Ya'know, I am a pretty positive dude. I try, I really try. Some days though, it's tough. Some days, no matter how hard I try, I can't quite get there. It's draining sometimes to act like nothing is wrong when I am with my child, but I always try and put my best foot forward. Looking at her though, I know the time is coming that I have to make the decision on whats best for me and my happiness. When that day comes, she is most likely going to hate me.
I expect that from an 8 year old, she is not old enough to understand. It's still going to be a tough pill to swallow when the time comes. What will she think of me? What stories will be told to her when I am not around? All I can do is tell her how much I love her, how much I want nothing but the best for her, and how I will be there whenever she needs me.
That being said, I deserve happiness too, don't I? Or do I have to ride the lightning for 9 more years? The thought of the second option makes me shudder to even think of it. If I did stay, will the relationship (or lack of) end up doing more harm than good?
Tomorrow is a new day...I'm ready for it.
CHD - Nfldman
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